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I was lost. A 38-year-old black woman with 4 kids, 1 grandkid and no love life. Very different than the way I planned my life out all those innocent and naive years ago. To say that I was wore out was an understatement. I believed in the fairy tales, the romance novels and the very essence of mushy movies that make me cry. So why had love treated me like a dirty whore? It’s best kept secret that was nothing more than a toy?

I asked myself that question more times than I care to admit. In my defense, I’d just walked away from a 19-year relationship at the age of 36. I lost my home, my oldest child to the justice system and what little dignity I had left as I moved from my Mom’s house to my best friend’s. I told myself that I needed to be surrounded by people to be happy.

The truth of the matter was, I was afraid to live alone because living alone meant loving alone. I didn’t think I was cut out for the single life in totality. However, I needed my own space because that was the adult thing to do.  When I did it, I thought it would immediately equate happiness. Little did I know that I would never feel more alone.

It broke me.

I spent plenty of nights drunk in pity with a fresh set of tears. Each morning I would rise and put on a mask of happiness, independence or strength, as if the night before hadn’t been equivalent to hell on earth. I wore each mask well on my face, but I was dead inside. Nothing more than a shell of fake substance.

It would be insane if I said I don’t know how I made it through. One day my soul cracked wide open and I fell flat.  Faith brought me to my current state. God told me enough was enough in a dream and I had never heard a message so clear. It opened my eyes to how absurd it is to suffer in silence.

Knowing that I had to do something to help other women, who just like me, might be on their own journey that they don’t understand, I created Lavender, Tea & Honey. A lifestyle blog that’s geared towards the betterment of women who are tirelessly marching towards elevation, elation, and evolving. There will be some days where we are confused, but we will get through them! I encourage all my sisters to walk this journey with me. We don’t have to weather whatever alone. Let’s do this! Welcome to the first day of the rest of our lives!

Check out my podcast and be sure to follow me at the link above!

 

Cee Renee

Cee Renee

A podcast and blog created by discussing the journey, process & healing... trust them all!
Cee Renee

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