In lieu of so many tragic instances occurring since President Tang has been elected—America has taken a few L’s in the past year. One of them being the vicious, slow-spreading bacteria strain called “coonalitis.” Not to be confused with the flu virus that has take a few of our stomachs out this past winter. Coonalitis is a virus broken down into different strains and its origin stems from the belief one is of equal standing with those of colonizing decent. Coonalitis can only be contracted by black people who ingest and/or inhale copious quantities of wypipo dialect and brainwashing.

Symptoms may include: token black person appearance requests, subjection to puppeteering of the current administration, bashing of your own race, agreeing with melanin-deficient degrading comments about your race, caping for racist news stations—the list goes on.

Now, if you’re wondering if there is a cure—there is. However, it comes at the expense of proving one is no longer drinking the special tea. If not treated immediately, a person will succumb to the virus—black Twitter will be forced to deliver a clapback eulogy—and you will descend to the sunken place—never to be allowed into Wakanda again.

Due to the obvious increased token black person memberships, there are a few exiled Wakandians who allowed the virus to go untreated. As we transcend into another tortuous year of Trump dictatorship—let us take a moment of silence for all the Clayton Bigsby’s we’ve lost to the sunken place.

 

Omarosa Manigault

Let’s face it, we lost sis long before she stood behind a podium in support of the King Puppeteer during his campaign. From the moment she was introduced to us as the angry black woman on the Apprentice, we knew she had been injected with a strain of coonalitis, and it was downhill from there. To make matters worse, even after Trump canned her, she managed to run back to her master with open arms—ready to do whatever he needed to win the black vote.

Confirming the death of her black card—she announced her political party switch in 2016 was because of him. Though she may or may not have escaped without her pussy being grabbed, sis found out the hard way what they really do to black folks in the sunken place. As she was dragged out of it, she had no choice but to run back to the other sunken place—reality TV—hoping her cry for help and dry snitching would provoke us to welcome her back. It didn’t and since the depths in which she has traveled into it could result in her contagious strain of coonalitis being passed to others or she could be a sleeper cell sent to trick us and report back—we must put the nail in her coffin. As Taylor Swift delivers a hideous rendition of Aretha Franklin’s, “Mary Don’t You Weep”—we say R.I.P to Omarosa.

 

Ben Carson

I’m somewhat sure he was drinking the tea way before 2016. Still, it was confirmed the moment he endorsed that one guy who was his opponent but is now the president. Proving he could be flipped faster than someone looking at 25 to life—the brain surgeon turned housing secretary waved goodbye to those of melanin decent upon completing his first presidential debate. Although his behavior is uncanny to Sam Jackson’s character in Django—it’s almost understandable why he drifted into the sunken place. Not to point the obvious, but there needed to be someone with semi-Wakandian medical experience to help steal the organs. As he boards the boat with a revoked Wakandian passport in hand—we wave goodbye to Ben Carson.

 

 

Stacy Dash

When Fox News hired Dash in 2014, we should’ve known she had a first-class seat on the boat to the sunken place. As a news station known for their conservative views and unapologetic racist perspective—it was only a matter of time before the Clueless star got caught up in the white rapture. Although she had some questionable moments before 2016—her official sunken place membership announcement came in 2016, when she did an interview claiming she had a plan to help totally not racist Donald Trump, implement some strategy that would “take care of our African American people, as if she is not of African American descent herself. To date, we never heard what the imaginary strategy was and like Omarosa, Dash found out that you get fired when you are no longer of service to wypipo.

In true fashion, Black Twitter gave her the homegoing service she was deserving of as they sang praises when Fox News gave her walking papers. Maybe the sunken place has a news station she can work in, who knows. But for those who won’t be tuning in—R.I.P. to Stacy Dash as we turn the channel to CNN and tune in to watch our homegirl, Angela Rye.

 

Deneen Borelli

Though it hasn’t been confirmed, from the sound of all her liberal hating-Trump praising videos—sis has had her brain swapped out in the sunken place and is posing as a melanin-filled version of Tomi Lahren. Forgetting she falls in the same group of “the blacks” Trump mentioned during his campaign—Borelli goes hard in the paint for Agent Orange and his PDA deficient-immigrant wife on her YouTube channel called something I don’t care to remember. All the while criticizing people who look like her for using the race card.

Its obvious Borelli is suffering from the side effects of coonalitis due to being in the sunken place for too long. Her coonalitis comes by way of inhaling the smoke from the conservative blunts they’ve been passing around during her frequent visits to Fox News. Since she has been granted access to all the sunken place high teas, she has no real need for her race card or invitation to the so-called “liberal” cookouts. For her sake, I hope she’s right, because the only place she’ll be able to use it is in the United Sunken Place.

 

 

Diamond and Silk

Apparently, the need for black women is at an all time high for the sunken place. I’m not sure if there’s some payouts being given out or what, but they seem to be approving membership requests and recruiting faster than Tango can send out his next tweet. No pun intended, I’m beginning to wonder if they have somehow created a sunken place quaaludes and these two were accidently given a few. I highly doubt it, but it was worth a try. These two sunken place recruits had us all scratching our head as they worked the chitlin circuit we know as Trump’s campaign.

Diamond and Silk, feverishly infected with coonalitis—have been brainwashed through osmosis of the sunken place—convincing themselves by spreading Trump’s message—they are above being treated like the rest of us blacks. As we have seen with Dash and Omarosa, black women don’t get a pass once they sell their souls for social media notoriety. Maybe when Ben Carson runs for mayor of Sunkenville, these two can campaign for him too.

 

Kanye West

This was a long time coming, and there’s o need to even try and explain this one. It’s official, Kris Jenner’s hypnosis is complete. Kanye West is officially known as the KKK (Kardashian Klan Kanye.) He is no longer the hip-hop genius we fell in love with and his constant display of fuckboy symptoms have now become full-blown coonalitis. Though he showed early symptoms of the virus with his erratic behavior and spazzing out, there were signs of possible treatment when he declared “George Bush doesn’t care about black folks in 2005,” or when he jumped on the VMA stage in defense of Beyoncé being overlooked for the September murderer, Taylor Swift—in 2006.

But, in true Kanye fashion, the treatment was short-lived the moment he went against his own Gold Digger lyrics and married the high priestess of the sunken place. You know what they say though—you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself turn into a villain. Thanks to his newest support of Candace Owens comments about black people and Donald Trump—black Twitter has officially pronounced “Black Kanye” as Koonye and is preparing his eulogy has we speak. As Taylor Swift takes choir stand to give us an A & B selection and Al Sharpton delivers one of his protest driven sermons—we say R.I.P. to the college dropout as he walks off the stage and into the sunken place.

 

Let these people be examples of what happens when you listen to the white voices in your head, and forget to take often trips to a mirror. I recommended shielding yourself from all suspicious parties who seem to exude even the slightest of coonalitis and whatever you do—stay woke & don’t drink the tea.

 

Follow me on Instagram @shadressdenise

 

Shadress Denise
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Shadress Denise

Editor-in-Chief at DELUX Magazine
Editor-in-Chief @DELUX, author, foodie, and a culture junkie who just happens to be the blackest person you will ever meet.
Shadress Denise
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